The Joys and Pains of Christmas Traditions

I might have gotten carried away with this article but, the hype surrounding the Christmas Season has a way of drawing from our past memories. The holly jolly anticipatory spirit of the holidays is like a camp fire; it always needs another log on the fire to stay alive. Its fuel? The things that help bring us right back to memories that we still cherish. 

Certain smells like fresh baked Candy Cane Cookies coming out of the oven; just like you used to make with mom.

Candy Cane Cookie Recipe

Prep time: 20 mins | Chilling: 2–3 hours | Baking: 8–10 mins 

Ingredients

Base: 1 cup unsalted butter (softened), 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 large egg.

Flavoring: 1 tsp vanilla extract, 1 tsp peppermint extract (or almond extract for a classic flavor).

Dry: 2 ½ cups all-purpose flour, ½ tsp salt.

Coloring: ½ tsp red food coloring

Topping (Optional): ½ cup crushed candy canes mixed with ¼ cup granulated sugar. 

Instructions

Prepare the Dough: Cream together the butter and powdered sugar. Beat in the egg and extracts. Gradually mix in the flour and salt until the dough forms.

Color and Chill: Divide the dough in half. Color one half red and mix until uniform. Wrap both halves and chill for 2–3 hours.

Shape: Take equal small pieces of each dough color and roll them into ropes about 4–5 inches long. Twist the ropes together and shape into a candy cane.

Bake: Bake on a parchment-lined sheet at 375°F (190°C) for 8–10 minutes, until the edges are lightly golden.

Decorate: If desired, sprinkle the warm cookies with a mixture of crushed candy canes and sugar.

Certain songs that remind you of grandpa’s record player playing in the corner of the room on Christmas morning. The need to have the kitchen crowded or the famous thumb war to see who gets to hang the star on the Christmas tree. And don’t forget the Christmas Eve Service, watching in anticipation to sing “Hark the Herald" once the Christ ornament is placed on the church’s Christmas Tree (that’s a Kingship tradition, mind you).

If any were to go missing, our Christmas mood may experience some discomfort. We may think Christmas is ruined all together. This is why we create traditions. To help us continue to go back to things we want to remember; sometimes they are silly and joyful memories while others bring the significance of Christmas to the forefront. Meaningful moments like lighting the advent candles, reading Luke 2 as a family, or singing “O Come, let us Adore Him” on Christmas Eve. 

Traditions can be a beautiful gift that anchors our heart to meaning and substance in the hustle and stress of a fast paced world. They give our children a sense of belonging. They provide adults an opportunity of reflection and connection.

And yet, as many of us know, traditions can also become painful.

Traditions carry with them both joy and pain.

When the Ebenezer becomes just a Candy Cane

“…these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever.” - Joshua 4:7

Throughout the Bible, God’s people often created markers of remembrance; setting up stones to signify God’s active intervening in their journey or life. God instructed such markers to be established. In 1 Samuel, Samuel raises up a large pillar stone, after God rescued the Israelites from the Philistines. He named it an Ebenezer - Stone of help. The stone was there so that not only he could remember but also all who came across it would know of God’s past faithfulness in that place. Traditions can function in a similar way; creating a memory roadmap to help us remember God’s faithfulness and continue forward in confidence of that same faithfulness.

Much of the jewish customs surrounding the passover are traditions that involve the children in remembering God’s deliverance from Egypt. An Ebenezer, whether a physical stone or a candle lit on the dining room table - both are tangible reminders that communicate the same thing that Samuel declared as he raised his Ebenezer, “So far God has helped us”. (1 Samuel 7:12)

All of our traditions that we create surrounding Christmas have the opportunity to do the same thing. Yes, even stocking stuffers and fruit cake eating contests. Many of these traditions were about bonding with family; it's why they got started. We have the opportunity to always use every tradition to show that God has brought this family together to experience and enjoy Him.

However, over time traditions can drift from their purpose. Something that once reminded of God’s grace can slowly become something we do simply because “we’ve always done it this way.”

What once could have been an Ebenezer has now become an expectation.

• We feel pressure to recreate the perfect Christmas.

• We feel obligated to keep certain rituals alive even if no one remembers why they matter.

• We get tired, stressed, or resentful—but still go through the motions.

• It becomes an exercise being diplomatic as the tradition is re-centered on a person or a childhood family rather than remembrance.

When traditions lose their meaning, they can feel like burdens instead of blessings. The texture of the rock becomes the sacred focus rather than why the rock was ever raised at all. While the tradition will never feel common, its meaning will. And with that, for some the same tradition we treasure may become painful for another.

The Pain of Grief

“…that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.” - 1 Thessalonians 4:13

What do you do with the traditions you once shared with someone who is no longer here? The favorite recipe, an empty chair, a missing voice during the carols—all of these can make the season feel heavy. Traditions meant to bring joy can instead deepen the ache of loss.

The Pain of Change

"You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition!” - Mark 7:9

When people form a new family there can be a real tension in deciding which traditions to keep, which to adapt, and which to let go. After all, two childhood Christmases, that are most likely treasured with equal loyalty, are now competing for the same holiday.

• “My family always opened gifts at night.”

• “My family always did it in the morning.”

• “We always read the Advent story before dinner.”

• “We always drove around to look at Christmas lights.”

Letting go of childhood traditions can feel like letting go of pieces of yourself. And forming new ones can feel awkward and unfamiliar at first. It takes humility, patience, and sometimes grief to build a shared set of practices that reflect a new family’s identity.

But into all this complexity—joy and sorrow, nostalgia and new beginnings—Jesus speaks a better word. Because traditions are not the center of Christmas. Christ is.

He alone gives meaning to our celebrations. He alone can redeem the traditions we’ve received, reshape the ones we’re unsure about, and inspire the new ones we’ll create. 

Christ Redeems Even the Silly Traditions

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” - 1 Corinthians 10:31

The funny, quirky, or “pointless” traditions can have a place too—when they’re grounded in gratitude rather than pressure. Hanging the goofy ornament, making the same silly breakfast, watching the same old movie—these can be acts of joy when done with hearts that are remembering God’s goodness, enjoying His blessings, and celebrating His gift of Christ.

Christ Gives Us Freedom

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” - Galatians 5:1

The Ebenezer was about coming to gratitude for what God’s deliverance means for our future. In Jesus, we are no longer enslaved to our old life. His Mercy delivers us from the domain of darkness. We now have freedom. And as silly as it sounds, we have freedom from the tangles of how an old life, not centered on Christ, would react to traditions that came with family pressure, unhealthy expectations, or the nostalgia we feel we must recreate in order to find joy.

Graditude is the emotional response that accompanies freedom in Christ. Our traditions should reflect that.

Remember

“…as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” - Joshua 24:15

Traditions are not the destination. They are the signposts; not our masters. They help us point our hearts—year after year—toward the Savior who came for us, dwelt among us, and redeemed us. The point of an Ebenezer in Scripture was always about the Truth of God, the testimony of His character, to be known to us and transform us - into a new life that moves forward with Him. If our traditions dictate our focus and trajectory, then we end up serving them - keeping us the full joy Christ offers.

When Christ is at the center:

• Our joy becomes deeper than nostalgia.

• Our grief finds peace and rest.

• Our new families discover belonging and leadership for future generations

• Our celebrations—serious and silly alike—become acts of worship.

Don’t discard traditions quickly. It may even be fun to trace back why they got started. For me, I know that sometimes traditions around Christmas just start to form themselves. So it becomes about how we talk about them. Like Samuel, it's one thing to raise the Ebenezer, but we need to intentionally communicate the significance. “So far God has helped us.” 

May your traditions this Christmas, old or new, lead you not to pressure or perfection, but point all to Jesus, the One who gives us joy, meets us in our pain, and makes all things new.