Dad! Keep Building Your Family in the Storm!

Have you ever seen those money boxes where the wind blows all the money around and the goal for the person inside is to grab as much as he can? It is pure chaos and it is hard to know where to even begin. I’ll let you in on a little secret: the trick is not grabbing chaotically at whatever you can, but making one intentional move. 

Life as a dad is a very similar experience. There is a lot working against us, but it all comes back to intentionality. We have responsibilities as a husband, a father, a son, a co-worker, a friend, and countless other roles in our lifetime. They all tug and pull at our time and energy. How do you balance all the responsibilities and keep yourself above the noise? Does just grabbing at things as they fly by work? It might get you by for a little bit, but what we really need to do is form our life by prioritizing our relationships and start building on a solid foundation..

First, you need to prioritize the roles and relationships, and then work on building them every day. You may think your spouse would be priority number one, but no, actually your relationship with God the Father is the most important relationship. It refills you and keeps your battery charged for all of your other interactions. How you do this is not a formula but a relationship developed by taking actions that are sustainable and consistent. That may be reading a chapter in a book of the bible a day or going through bible plans in an online bible app or using an app like Glorify to spend some time in the word and in prayer. In my experience, starting each day giving thanks for all you have even when life is beating you down is important and helps keep your mindset on Him rather than this world. Romans 12:12 reminds us “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” 

Remember that you are not alone in this either. We all struggle with the same things and we benefit from being humble and sharing with trusted friends the issues we are dealing with. There are many men at Kingship who will come alongside you and pray with you and for you.

The next building block is your relationship with your wife. The saying goes “happy wife - happy life” and while a cliché, it is real. When you and your wife are not communicating or connecting, you will not feel complete. Mark 10:8 says “the two shall become one flesh, ‘So they are no longer two but one flesh.” When there is a lack of emotional or physical intimacy the relationship will suffer and you will feel so alone without your partner to confide in. As husbands we need to fulfil the emotional needs of our wife right? But do you know what that looks like? It is likely different in each relationship but take the time to ask her, what actions you can take that would fill her up! I promise - this conversation will lead to a deeper connection.

Your children are your next priority and boy do they need you! What they need the most is your time and attention. We are often fooled that our time in the office to provide the big paycheck is what they need because the bills need paid, or they need clothes, food, toys etc. We justify the time working as time for the kids, but honestly they would be happier with less “stuff” and more time just talking with you. Put time on your calendar for dates with your kids. It could be going for a walk, a trip to Goodwill, some ice cream, or playing a game together. Have some questions prepared for them to facilitate discussion like:

What super power would you want to have?

If you could time travel, where would you go?

What are you struggling with right now?

What can I do to help you the most this week?

Just ask questions, and share your life with them. Remember, you are also a child, and as we grow up and take on responsibilities, we often forget to connect with our parents. Guess what? They miss us and want to know what we are up to! Give them a call, see what they've got going on, and don’t let them get away with saying “oh nothing…” Deuteronomy 5:16 reminds us, “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you.” Tell them thank you for all the things they did, and it may even be necessary to forgive them because, like you, they are not perfect and likely messed up a time or two.

We have influence with our friends and co-workers. They also influence us. So choose well who you are surrounded by. Build and establish a community that you can count on, that you can be honest with, and one that can help you be accountable. Most people say they want accountability until they are held accountable; then, when presented with their own faults, they retreat. Build some grit and be willing to own up to your faults. The only way we can improve is by accepting that we will make mistakes and taking steps to improve and do better the next time. This also leads to having grace with others as they make mistakes as well. Loving them and honoring their good intentions even if the result did not feel good. 

It may not feel intuitive to serve when you are feeling overwhelmed with life, but there is something about serving others that settles the soul. When we give back of our time and energy we are somehow recharged. It does not make sense logically but trust me your spirit will respond and God somehow works though our service for our good. Use something you are good at and offer it up. To see additional growth, take your kids along and have them serve with you. Maybe walk the neighborhood and see if anyone needs a lawn mowed, a car washed, a dog walked. The possibilities are endless and I encourage you to pray about it and see what opportunities present themselves. 

Dad - we have a lot of roles and responsibilities and most of the time it feels overwhelming and chaotic. Remember that you were created for this.You will not be perfect in it, but you will be able to build better and stronger by connecting with other men who have gone through the same struggles or are going through them now. I encourage you to team up with the men of Kingship. We are here to help equip you, stand beside you, and to help you become the man of God you were created to be. You are one intentional move away.